


Make The Most

by Kima



Category: Final Fantasy IX
Genre: Big Brothers, Brother Feels, Friendship, Gen, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-22
Updated: 2013-02-22
Packaged: 2017-12-03 06:14:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/695121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kima/pseuds/Kima
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everybody's scared once in a while.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Make The Most

It’s not the first time he’s sleeping in the open and he should really be used to something poking him in the back, no matter how or where he lies down. Normally, roots and rocks don’t even bother him, he can sleep anywhere - the perks of a vagabond’s life, with no permanent residence and always on the go. Even when he was back with Tantalus, they often had to camp outdoors because the theater ship needed repairing or Baku had once again decided that they lacked endurance.

But tonight, a very persistent root is bothering him and the ground seems much too hard as he tosses and turns, trying to get at least a few hours of sleep before they get up tomorrow at the crack of dawn and continue their hike. But in reality, it’s not so much his sleeping circumstance that’s keeping him awake but worry. Zidane is worrying about so many things that it’s impossible to even think about sleep.

He sighs and turns around  _again_ , staring into the fire that’s slowly going out. At least he’s not keeping the others awake – Dagger and Vivi are sleeping a few feet away in the already slightly run-down tent and Quina snores so loudly on the other side of the camp fire that there’s no doubt s/he’s even bothered. Zidane is the only one awake, looking into the fire, while the forest around him is too silent, withered and dry as it is. Deep inside him, doubt rears its ugly head; they’ve been tracking that Black Mage for two days now. Where is he going in this wasteland? What if they’ve lost him and are hopelessly lost in the endless forest? Dread pools in his belly at this very thought.

He’s responsible for the other, has to make sure that nothing happens to them here – in this no-man’s-land of a foreign continent. But how is he supposed to look after them when he’s nothing but a common thief? Zidane has no illusions about himself – he’s no hero, no leader, no matter what he’s making the others believe daily. And each time one of them looks up to him, looking for help, he can only hope that he doesn’t screw everything up just like he did at Tantalus so many times. He can’t afford to screw up. Not when Dagger is trusting him to protect her and Vivi needs someone to watch his back.

But it’s not only his companions he’s worrying about, even when they’re his biggest concern right now. Again and again, Zidane’s thoughts return to the ones left behind in Alexandria - Freya, Steiner, Marcus, Blank and Beatrix. It’s not that he regrets leaving them behind because, after all, they’re the reason he has been able to rescue Dagger because of whom he had returned to Alexandria in the first place. But in this much too quiet, much too long night, he wonders if he could have done more. If she should have stayed and fought.

A groan escapes him as Zidane sits up, annoyed, and rubs one eye with the ball of his right hand. All these What Ifs and Could Haves and Maybes won’t lead to anything. Why is he even troubling himself with all of it? This is so unlike him… He huffs and blindly reaches for the firewood, throwing it into the camp fire. They may not have heard or encountered wild animals yet but they really don’t have to ask for it, right? After having thrown the last dry branches into the flames, the thief shifts into a cross-legged position and takes a deep breath like Freya has shown him years ago. Normally, he’s not the type for meditation but maybe a few breathing exercises will help him sleep.

He loses himself in the quiet cracking of the fire, in the silence of the night and in his own breathing. He can already feel the tiredness creeping on the edges of his mind when suddenly, he notices quiet footsteps behind him and a quiet, tired-sounding voice almost gingerly whispers,

“… Zidane?” He opens his eyes and turns his head. Every trace of fatigue disappears instantly as his gaze falls on Vivi who’s clutching the brim of his hat with both hands and looks at him with wide, yellow-glowing eyes. Automatically, Zidane disengages from his relaxed position as instinct takes over and he scrutinizes the little Black Mage from head to toe to make sure he’s not hurt somehow. After affirming that the boy is at least physically unharmed, he frowns and asks,

“What’s wrong, buddy? Can’t sleep?” Vivi hesitates for a moment and nods. With a heavy sigh, the boy sinks down on the dry earth next to the thief and looks at the fire for a moment before he quietly murmurs,

“Do you think we’ll be there tomorrow?” Zidane considers this for a moment; they’ve seen the forest from a cliff before – it’s vast, enormous even. But they’ve been stomping through the covert for a whole day now and if they’re not hopelessly lost… Dread begins to creep up in his insides again, cold and heavy, but he resolutely pushes it away. Not now.

“Guess so. Why?” Vivi pulls his knees up to his chin and just stares into the fire. His face is completely shadowed, only the golden eyes glow in the light of the flames like fireflies in the darkness. For a while, they just sit next to each other while the Black Mage remains silent and the thief watches him expectantly. Then, Zidane lightly prods Vivi’s arm to get his attention. When Vivi looks up, the thief cheerily grins,

“Hey, it’s gonna be alright. Don’t let it trouble you, okay? I’m sure it’s not as bad as it looks. We’ll look after you - even if you don’t really need that anymore, I guess. You’ve gotten really strong, bud!” The corners of Vivi’s mouth twitch into a weak smile but then the boy looks back to the fire and whispers,

“But what if… if they’re like me? O-or worse, if they’re not?” The Black Mage sniffs quietly. “I… I’m scared, Zidane…” The thief feels a sharp sting somewhere in his chest that seems to cause his insides to knot. He hates seeing the boy like that because he know exactly how ashamed Vivi is of his fear, how he thinks he’s the worthless part of the group because he’s supposedly weaker and less talented. And that’s not true at all! In the past few weeks - sweet Ramuh, has so much time passed already? - Vivi has proved his place in their little group more often than Zidane can count. But he also knows that no matter how many times he tries to tell the boy how much he’s worth, Vivi won’t believe him anyway.

So he says with a reassuring smile,

“That’s not a bad thing. Everybody gets scared once in a while! Remember that time Steiner almost pissed himself because of the oglop you found? Or how Dagger woke up next to that giant spider a few days ago? Geez, I didn’t know she could scream like that.” Vivi lets out something that could possibly be an amused sound – but it could just as well be a masked sob - before he murmurs,

“You don’t.” Zidane almost laughs out loud. If the little guy only knew what he has been thinking about just a few minutes ago! How afraid he really is to disappoint his comrades somehow or to let them down… But he won’t let the boy in on that. So the thief puts on a serious face and explains,

“Yes, I do. Remember when I ran in on Dagger bathing? I swear, I’ve never been afraid more than I was of Steiner that night!” His lips widen in a grin as he conspiratorially winks at the Black Mage. “But that sight was almost worth it, hehe.” This time, Vivi does giggle in spite of himself but the sound fades away all too soon and the boy is staring into the fire again. Zidane sighs quietly and adds, a lot more serious,

“It’s perfectly normal to be scared, Vivi. You’re in an unknown situation, we’re miles away from home… no wonder you’re scared. But - you’re not alone, got it? Dagger and me are right here. And Quina, too. We’ve been through so much and we’ll get through this, too.” He playfully pokes the boy’s arm again. “So don’t worry, okay?” Vivi looks up to him, the big yellow eyes sparkling wetly. Zidane half-fears the Black Mage will start to cry when he simply sniffs and smiles a bit.

“Okay.” The thief returns the smile and nods, pleased. Then, he points back to the tent with a thumb and asks,

“You think you can sleep better now?”

“I think so,” Vivi replies but makes no move to get up. Instead, he hesitates and then starts fidgeting with the brim of his hat again. Zidane frowns.

“Is there something else bothering you?” He can see how the boy struggles with himself. But why? Is there anything else preventing him from sleep? Maybe it’s a bug he’s scared of?

“I… Mh…”

“Vivi?”

“… Can I stay here with you?” The thief blinks, surprised.

“You sure, bud? It’s probably a hell lot more comfortable in the tent. And besides…  _Dagger_ ’s there.” He winks at the boy again but just like always, Vivi doesn’t react at all. But instead of the confused stare the Black Mage usually regards him with after such a remark, the golden eyes just get a little bigger and more… pleading.

“… Please?” Zidane opens his mouth, at least dozen of protests in mind - the boy is old enough to sleep alone, the thief can’t protect him from nightmares - but all of them die on his lips.

Oh, whatever. The little guy will grow up one day anyway – at least tonight, he should be allowed to be a child.

“Okay,” the thief nods and lightly pats the bone-dry earth beside him. “Then off to sleep with you, buddy, we’ve got a long way to go tomorrow.” Vivi hesitates again before laboriously shifting closer -– and puts his arms around Zidane’s waist. Surprised, the thief blinks down at him before returning the hug and stroking the boy’s back reassuringly until he can hear faint snoring coming from the little Black Mage. Lost in thought, Zidane looks down at the little guy and smiles involuntarily.

Maybe he’s not a born leader and not exactly the brightest knife in the drawer when it comes to all of this - but if this little boy believes in him so much, he can’t be that bad at his job, right? This thought is enough to chase away all other worries from his mind. He can feel fatigue creeping into his consciousness again and when he lies down on his back this time - carefully, so that he won’t wake Vivi who just snuggles up to him with a content sigh - he finally slips away into almost relaxed oblivion.


End file.
